Back In The Day
I remember in the 9th grade, I could buy a magazine or a video for a few dollars from a kid at school who may have taken it from his dad. Getting my hands on something pornographic wasn’t difficult at all.
It could have been on trading cards or something else gimmicky. I even remember a pen, that when held upside down revealed a nude women inside it. This cheap trinket was probably sold at a highway truck stop for kicks and eventually sojourned into the hands of eager adolescent boys who giggled and laughed at it.
It was peddled with cigarettes and marijuana. It was stuffed in lockers and book bags, gleefully peeking out at anyone who dared look.
“Over time, the porn peddlers grew up…”
Then along came the internet – the discount retailer of pornography. Every aisle has something different and something cheaper. Like perusing the store and finding the most obscure items, the internet offers variety at a price everyone can afford: cheap. Monthly subscriptions took the place of magazines and videos.
Over time, the porn peddlers grew up. They graduated with business and marketing degrees to build an empire and pricing structure that everyone can afford: free. Mark Zuckerberg may have transformed social media but it’s pornographers who pushed the boundaries of what the internet was even capable of in the first place.
The New Normal
Pornography is available in the living rooms, offices, bedrooms of anyone with an internet connection. Locker room talk for adolescent boys turns into “no-talk” for adult men. The stigma associated with pornography consumption is often masked with pubescent humor: seen Superbad? It’s always easier to laugh away our shame than to confront its sources.
Porn consumption is not just limited to men either. An increasing number of women are turning to porn to see their fantasies acted out, to avoid intimacy in a relationship, and simply to aid masturbation. Imagery is increasingly replacing literature to enhance a women’s libido.
“The average age of first porn exposure is 11…”
Psychologists argue whether pornography should be diagnosed as “addicting” but the behaviors are remarkably similar. With the same physiological effects of a cocaine high, WebMD offers this information:
“One of the key features of addiction…is the development of a tolerance to the addictive substance. In the way that drug addicts need increasingly larger doses to get high…addicts need to see more and more extreme material to feel the same level of excitement they first experienced.“
Jonathan Stone wrote an amazing post on the addictive nature of porn. Here is just a sample of some of the statistics he gathered:
- 90% of youth ages 8-16 have viewed porn online.
- 63% of youth ages 14-16 say they can easily access porn on their mobile phone.
- The largest single group viewing porn is ages 12-17.
- The average age that children are exposed to porn is 11 years old.
- Porn is often not sought when discovered the first time.
- Porn gives children (and adults) unrealistic ideas about sex.
The True Cost of Porn
Please don’t mistake this post as a rant for the moral majority or ammunition for retaking the White House. This issue transcends the cultural milieu of conservative versus liberal and speaks to the heart of humanity.
Pornography costs more than money to use. It’s accessibility and legality offer it marketability that drug dealers could only ever dream of. So how do we pay for our porn addictions?
Here are just a few ways:
- The illusion of control – Porn typically culminates in masturbation. This is often less about feeling good and more about attempting to control our own lives. It’s an escape mechanism. It’s a way to deal with stress by employing fantasies that aren’t based in reality. Had a bad day? Things aren’t working out at the office or at home? Relieve some of that pressure by indulging in pornography. You deserve it, right? Wrong – coping with the stresses of life outside of your identity in Christ can just as easily lead to a computer screen as it can to the bottom of a bottle.
- The objectification of people – My pastor recently helped our community to frame pornography as more than just a physiological issue but also as a social justice issue with the help of Chris Hedges’ Empire of Illusion. By saying that pornography is OK, we are actively ceding to the commodification of women, men and children. The human body is now something to be consumed rather than celebrated. How can we teach our children that pornography is wrong? By defining and respecting others as more than just a body but as a whole person.
- Our relationships – Husbands, do you want to teach your children the intrinsic value of your wife as a person and mate? Then love her unconditionally and lavishly in front of them. Porn used to just cost a few dollars or time away from other activities. It now costs marriages and relationships. Nobody likes to be compared to an unrealistic image or have to live up to an unrealistic expectation but that’s what pornography represents. Even the cheap romance novels that capture the imaginations of so many women inculcate a notion of sex that real men can’t emulate. Sure, porn is monetarily free…but it’s going to cost a lot more than time or money.
Where To Go From Here
I don’t write this post as a distant journalist watching the war from his hotel room. I write this post from the trenches of my shame and my victories, with mortar shells landing all around. Sometimes it feels like I’m gaining ground and sometimes it feels like the enemy is pushing me back.
I trust that my life is hidden in Christ and my righteousness is secure in the Cross but there is still a target on me. I still get stressed. I still want to cope with the ups and downs of life with my most basest of impulses. I still want to hide my sin and shame behind the façade of religious perfection.
“You are more than the sum of your battle wounds…”
The only potential difference is that I have a family who loves me through their understanding of the Cross. I have a band of brothers who hold my arms up when I want to quit. I have a faith and hope that I am more than the sum of my battle wounds. I believe the same for you.
Here are some weapons for the war:
- Porn And Parenting: The Brave New World (techcrunch.com)
- Parenting Teens: How to Manage Your Teen’s Addiction to Pornography (socyberty.com)
- Filtering Software