On this, my 30th…

I suppose I was looking to wake up feeling different or smarter as I embark on my 31st year. Alas, such forlorn thinking is reserved for the movies. Rather, I woke up just a little more grateful for those people in my life I call “friends” and a little more grateful for the grace of God.

I suppose I didn’t deserve the previous 30 years and to remember that I don’t deserve this day might serve my gratefulness a little more too. I offer this note of thanks to every single individual that I have crossed paths with, perhaps even leaving in my wake a trail of pain, love or ambivalence. To each of you, I say thank you for sowing a piece of yourself into my tapestry and letting me sow a bit of myself into yours.

It’s not easy to look back on the choices I’ve made that have caused others hurt but to look back on those choices at all is itself an act of God’s mercy. I believe more today than ever before in the notions of sovereignty, providence and free will. I believe more today than ever before that life is a gift and to celebrate that gift is divine.

To those who might read this and are suffering under the weight of an unfair hand, I admonish you with this simple word: “wait“. Time can be the cruelest of enemies and the best of friends. The gift of time is perspective and the gift of perspective is contentment. Settle deeply into the weight of what ails you and know that waiting will yield your catharsis.

For those of you who know me and my life at the intersection of introversion and extroversion, I offer you this brief poem in an unusual moment of lucidity:

Time waits for no man
and I list blissfully in her arms
like a babe cognizant of a
distant tomorrow.

Time waits for no woman
and I resist her grip
like a toddler longing for
the freedom of open space.

Time waits for no child
and I gaze unyieldingly
at the choices of a
blurring yesterday.

Time waits not for me
as I’m confronted with the
choices of a new day
and another year.

Time waits for no man
to discern how absolutely gracious
she has been for the gift of
time.

On this, my 30th…I am loved and so are you.

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